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Weekly Inspirational Messages
DEATH DISQUALIFIES LIFE as I had always known it...
Sometimes death seems to leave me paralysed. I am disillusioned
due to the finality and the incredible tearing in the soul. It
makes no sense to the way I am used to seeing life. All the
things I rely on to reference life...seem to be disqualified.
Meaning, purpose, sense of belonging and the significance I put
to my life, are all messed up.
So I need to find ways to reconnect with this
world and how I see things. Sometimes it takes me some time, but
eventually I find a way. I find a way, not to make sense of this
"death" thing, but some way to reconnect to my life in a
different way.
I find a way without the person I so desperately miss. I find a
way to live in my void and still be ok. I know there is no right
way... but I find the way that works for me.
(was displayed for week #9 ending with line #209)
THE WINTER OF MY GRIEVING
Sometimes the winter feels so very long. The days feel long and
the nights chilly. This can be especially so when we are
hurting. It feels as if the "winter" in our souls will never be
over...that spring will never come to us.
Gradually almost without our knowing...it comes.
Spring arrives in our souls. We find ourselves
smiling just a bit more. We find ourselves crying a few less
tears. We find ourselves more motivated, doing a bit more. Then
we wonder how we ever survived the cold hard winter; but we
did...amazingly we did.
So if you are in the middle of the winter of your grief...just be
there...and soon spring will come...
(was displayed for week #8 ending with line #191)
LIVING IN THE MOMENT
In the winter, my children lay in the snow and make snow angels.
They are so happy. It reminds me of our little angel who makes
snow angels in heaven. It reminds me just how important it is to
live in the moment.
We have this moment together as a family and I treasure
each moment...each snow angel. This helps me when they
are not being "angels". This helps me to live
fully in the now even while missing my one who is
gone.
Make a point to be present to each moment...the joyful moments
and yes...even and especially the painful moments.
(was displayed for week #7 ending with line #175)
New Life and Resurrection Has Come...Is Coming...
When the snow completely covers the ground, I am reminded of all
the stuff I never picked up before it came. I find myself
relieved that the snow covers it over.
Death also comes like a blanket of snow making invisible the one
who was with us. It covers our lives like a big cloud. The sun
doesn’t seem to want to shine in our souls. Our souls seem to be
covered over by a blanket of the snow of death.
And so we grieve for a time. It is unknown as to how long we
will be under our blanket of grief. But we can know that we are
not there alone. And at the right time, the healer of our souls
will bring out the sun to dry up the clouds.
New life will come from this dark place. This
we can know for sure...that out of our place of grief, pain and
death that resurrection for our souls is on it’s way. We will be
renewed. Rest in this knowledge.
When you feel discouraged about the painful place you find
yourself in...remind yourself that this pain
will transform and heal if you allow yourself to be with it.
(was displayed for week #6 ending with line #160)
MAKING SPACE TO HEAL
Winter has it’s ways... There is a relief when the snow begins
to fall. There is a permission to just stop and rest...along
with nature. Everything is still. Making space
for us to sit by our fire...space for us to be with our thoughts
and feelings.
Making the so needed space to feel our grieving pain. Instead of
avoiding it, we enter into it. There is a relief, a stillness
and sometimes a dread. Yet it is important; to
be still and to feel. It is important to not run from our pain
and grief...for this is the place we can heal.
This week allow yourself the space to grieve in amongst your
living.
(was displayed for week #5 ending with line #137)
FINDING MY BALANCE
It has been so bitterly cold outside these last weeks, here in
Alberta. The other night they say it was between 40 and 50
degrees below. It was awful. The next day, we had to get the
kids off to school and to sitters and us to work.
It was one of those days when we just wanted to curl up with a
book, a blanket and a fire. Every bone in my body just wanted to
stop and not run around or even go outside. In fact in one of my
counselling appointments, I just wore my coat and so did the
person I was with.
I thought about this. This is kind of what happens when people
are grieving. Sometimes they just feel like they are freezing
up. They often just want to curl up and protect themselves from
the harshness of the world around. I think this is a natural
response.
The body and soul do need to stop a bit and be nurtured when they
have weathered so great a storm. Then life calls us back into
things...which is also good. It is important to get out and do
things that feel normal. It is also important to find a
balance between going inside to heal and moving outside
of ourselves to heal. It is important to listen to what the soul
needs. It is important to pay attention.
This week spend some time listening to what
your body and soul needs. Ask yourself where you might be out of
balance. Take some small steps to get back
into balance. If you are spending too much time closing
in...then you may need to open a bit. But if
you are running around and not spending any time in quiet with
your grief, you may need to be in your silent
pain.
Be gentle with yourself. Be honest with yourself. Nurture
yourself. Move yourself. Find your Balance.
(was displayed for week #4 ending with line #120)
Listen to What your Soul needs...It will tell you...
On Monday, January the 17th, is our daughter’s birthday. Jayde
would have been three. It is hard to believe that she has been
gone that long. I find myself getting a bit quieter during this
time in my soul. I like to stop and reflect...to stop and think
about her. I like to do something to be with her even if she is
not physically present with me.
Sometimes I don’t even know how to be on that day or what I need.
So I wait. I listen. To see what seems to be important for my
soul.
Two years ago, Dale seemed to be quite agitated on that day. It
was a Saturday. He was diligently off to the office to catch up
on some things... But, his soul just couldn’t shake the strange
feelings he had and his body was playing right along with it.
He just kept dragging his feet. In fact, quite out of character
he showed up at my office between appointments just to say Hi.
We went to a nearby coffee place and talked. When he actually
stopped to listen to himself, he knew that what he needed was to
send time with Jayde’s memory and with her spirit. So he spent
the day securing the flowers at her grave, which previously had
kept falling over. By the end of the day his soul felt so much
better.
Each year seems to be this way. We seem to need to be with this
day, differently...even differently from each other.
This is ok. The only thing that is important is that we
pay attention to what our soul needs at that time.
I don’t think that this is exclusive to birthdays and special
occasions. To grieve well, one must be listening to the soul.
Each day is different. Each day has a different need in the
grieving process.
Pay close attention to your soul. Pay close attention
to what it needs to be with and to heal from, in your
grief journey this week. It will lead you to
wholeness.
(was displayed for week #3 ending with line #85)
BACK INTO THE SWING OF THINGS
Well here we are back into the swing of life without a swing in
your heart and step. People are back to work. The excitement of
the holidays is only evident in the few lights that are still up.
Some are still celebrating...but most are back into regular
everyday life.
Do you sometimes just feel out of touch with all of this
movement? Does your heart feel like it is standing still as you
feel the pain of your losses? It can almost feel like the world
is spinning by you and you are on a whole different ride. Here
is the thing. You are. You are on a different
ride. You are in a different place if you are hurting or
grieving.
You may not be able to just get into things without some effort.
Maybe you shouldn't. Maybe you need to give yourself the grace
to just go the pace you need to go at. It is so important to
honour your grieving place this year. Slowly allow yourself to
step back into the dance of life, taking all the time you need to
grieve your loss.
(was displayed for week #2 ending with line #45)
Happy New Year???
It is pretty hard to think about having a "happy year" when one
has lost someone they love so deeply. We just don’t want to start
the year without having them with us. Just as "Merry Christmas"
felt so incongruent with life as it seems to be unfolding...so
does having a "Happy New Year".
So how do we approach the New Year with grieving pain in our
souls? The only thing that seems to be appropriate is to just
"be" in our sadness and try not to force ourselves to feel
anything we really don’t feel.
In fact I think that opening a new year in honesty is the best
way to start a new year. Be with where you are at. Stay open in
your grieving for the healing that is yours. Perhaps this New
Year needs to begin in expectation of the void and also in
expectation that healing will come to that void.
Dare to believe that this year there will be gifts of peace for
your soul. Blessings, as you begin this year more empty in your
soul than usual. Be gentle with yourself this year. Be honest
and authentic about where you are really at and allow yourself to
just BE there.
(was displayed for week #1 ending with line #23)
MAYBE WE JUST DIDN’T NOTICE?
We sometimes think that comfort will never come our way into our
grief. We feel so alone. Yet at times it is there...for me. I
just haven’t opened my eyes wide enough to notice. I am being
held; the whole time by the healer of my soul. I have just been
so hurting that I didn’t notice it.
Sometimes it is weeks, even months later that we begin to notice
just how much we have been taken care of. As the new year
approaches, we look forward and we look back. It is then that we
can see the times that we have been carried.
And so you enter this new year...know that you will be
carried...even when you don’t notice it. Even when you feel the
most alone, you are not alone after all.
(was displayed for week #53 ending with line #1398)
MAYBE WE JUST DIDN’T NOTICE?
We sometimes think that comfort will never come our way into our
grief. We feel so alone. Yet at times it is there...for me. I
just haven’t opened my eyes wide enough to notice. I am being
held; the whole time by the healer of my soul. I have just been
so hurting that I didn’t notice it.
Sometimes it is weeks, even months later that we begin to notice
just how much we have been taken care of. As the new year
approaches, we look forward and we look back. It is then that we
can see the times that we have been carried.
And so you enter this new year...know that you will be
carried...even when you don’t notice it. Even when you feel the
most alone, you are not alone after all.
(was displayed for week #52 ending with line #1382)
STABLE GRACE
There is something about the stable. The grace in it all. The
permission to be honest. To cut through all the trimmings and
get down to the heart of the matter. This stable grace, I call
it, gives me permission to be honest with my soul; to be honest
with my grief. This stable grace, allows me to cry when I need
to and even to laugh when it feels right.
It allows me to close and breathe in deeply of my pain. It
allows me to exhale my sorrow, releasing it into the world. This
Christ child came to be real and honest. This Christ child came
to show me that he comes into my normal, painful world to be
present with me. For my grief that is a true gift...there is no
better Christmas gift to me; the presence of one who loves me
more than any other.
(was displayed for week #51 ending with line #1366)
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