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Weekly Inspirational Messages

FEELINGS NEED TO BE HONOURED

Some days are just as they are. Some moments are just as they are. We have moments of "missing". We have moments of laughter often followed by moments of extreme sadness. Then sometimes we experience an angry moment. Often these unexpected feelings come unawares, as if to sneak up on us.

These feelings are such natural parts of the grieving process although it sure may not feel like it at the time. Sometimes folks even feel like they are going nuts with the different emotions that seem to be so intense. Some feel afraid that they are going crazy. I have heard this lots. Yet you are experiencing some very, very normal things and so you are in very, very good company. Sage

When your emotions and feelings come and go like this. Just move with them. When you need to feel sad...just do so (a good cry is so very good for the grieving soul). If you need to be mad...then be angry (Just don't hurt anyone else in the process). Move graciously with your grief, honoring your feelings and your process.

When you feel overwhelmed just remind yourself that this is normal. You will survive this. You will indeed heal in time, if you allow and honour your feelings. Just take your grieving feelings with a deep breath of patience. May you feel the closeness of the loving arms of the "Healer of your Soul" in these dark times.

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WHICH WAY IS THE RIGHT WAY?

There are so many ways to do this grieving process. One person manages it one way and another person in the very same type of situation...deals with it so differently. This is because we are truly very unique and come from such a variety of backgrounds.

Sage People sometimes look at someone who is grieving and have some ideas about how they should be going through their process. Some might say, "move on...you are not moving on", when it is only a few months since the death. Others might say, "you cannot do this or that so soon."

Sometimes others are there to really help us to notice that we are not moving in healthier ways and they may be right. But at other times...this is just their agenda that doesn't fit for us.

Although it is not wise to make major decisions when grieving, we are each so unique. What may be helpful for one may not be for another. It is wise to listen to our friends and then decide for ourselves if their thoughts are true for us.

In my experience with people who grieve...everyone has different needs. Some may grieve in a healthier way than others. Still, we all heal in different ways and in a different amount of time, from our emotional pain. We understand that this is the way with our bodies; why wouldn't it be the same with our souls?

Sage Sometimes we pressure ourselves to move forward when we are not ready and need to slow ourselves down. At other times we get a bit stuck in our grieving process and need someone to help us to gently move from that place. Still others might have turned to addictions or other things to cope...and need to get some help to allow their pain in a healthier manner.

There is no perfect way to grieve. There are just ways that are more healthy than others. We just need to honor our own process and our own feelings. Then we can make healthy choices that are healing for our soul.

Blessings as you gently follow your heart.

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MOVEMENT...IN THE BODY...MOVEMENT IN THE SOUL...

Sometimes when we are grieving we hardly can get our bodies to move. Sometimes moving is the farthest thing from our minds. We just want to sit and curl up and pretend the day is not starting.

Most of us...even you...can put one very heavy foot before the other and move any ways. For the first while, every move can hurt when grief is so fresh with us.

Sage Movement is important in the grieving process. It helps our grief to move. We need to move our bodies and as we do, our grieving souls begin to move.

We need to do some things even if our souls feel like they have been left behind. We may even need to force ourselves. Yet as we begin to move back into life... movement begins to feel easier.

I am a strong believer that as we move our bodies...our souls heal...even when we don't think they are. Sometimes when we move we find ourselves crying especially on a walk or a run.

So go to the movie or for a walk or a drive. You are going to hurt anyways. Move the grief in you so it can heal.

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Feelings Balance Feelings...

Feelings come and go like the wind. When we grieve, feelings can be overwhelming. It can be hard to know how we feel. One moment things may even seem ok... or even good... Then the waves come and we are overcome with the unimaginable strength of our feelings.

Sometimes others are uncomfortable with feelings and want you to move too quickly out of feeling sad. But, sadness is a very normal part of grieving, as is anger, and loneliness, and so many other feelings. When we lose someone we love...feelings of all sorts come to the surface.

Sage Feelings need no judgement. They are just what they are..."feelings". They are to be honoured and felt in whatever way we need to feel them. When we pay attention to our feelings and allow ourselves to safely feel them, we find healing. When we ignore our feelings and expect ourselves to move too quickly through our grief, they will catch up with us later.

Make sure you give yourself and those around you permission to feel their grief. Donít rush this process or let others rush it for you. If you find yourself stuck in your feelings ask someone to help you move through them.

Remember... BE with your feelings. Feel them. Let them move through you to healing.

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MOVEMENT...IN THE BODY...MOVEMENT IN THE SOUL...

Sometimes when we are grieving we hardly can get our bodies to move. Sometimes moving is the farthest thing from our minds. We just want to sit and curl up and pretend the day is not starting.

Most of us...even you...can put one very heavy foot before the other and move any ways. For the first while, every move can hurt when grief is so fresh with us.

Sage Movement is important in the grieving process. It helps our grief to move. We need to move our bodies and as we do, our grieving souls begin to move.

We need to do some things even if our souls feel like they have been left behind. We may even need to force ourselves. Yet as we begin to move back into life... movement begins to feel easier.

I am a strong believer that as we move our bodies...our souls heal...even when we don't think they are. Sometimes when we move we find ourselves crying especially on a walk or a run.

So go to the movie or for a walk or a drive. You are going to hurt anyways. Move the grief in you so it can heal.

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MOVEMENT...IN THE BODY...MOVEMENT IN THE SOUL...

Sometimes when we are grieving we hardly can get our bodies to move. Sometimes moving is the farthest thing from our minds. We just want to sit and curl up and pretend the day is not starting.

Most of us...even you...can put one very heavy foot before the other and move any ways. For the first while, every move can hurt when grief is so fresh with us.

Sage Movement is important in the grieving process. It helps our grief to move. We need to move our bodies and as we do, our grieving souls begin to move.

We need to do some things even if our souls feel like they have been left behind. We may even need to force ourselves. Yet as we begin to move back into life... movement begins to feel easier.

I am a strong believer that as we move our bodies...our souls heal...even when we don't think they are. Sometimes when we move we find ourselves crying especially on a walk or a run.

So go to the movie or for a walk or a drive. You are going to hurt anyways. Move the grief in you so it can heal.

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MOVEMENT...IN THE BODY...MOVEMENT IN THE SOUL...

Sometimes when we are grieving we hardly can get our bodies to move. Sometimes moving is the farthest thing from our minds. We just want to sit and curl up and pretend the day is not starting.

Most of us...even you...can put one very heavy foot before the other and move any ways. For the first while, every move can hurt when grief is so fresh with us.

Sage Movement is important in the grieving process. It helps our grief to move. We need to move our bodies and as we do, our grieving souls begin to move.

We need to do some things even if our souls feel like they have been left behind. We may even need to force ourselves. Yet as we begin to move back into life... movement begins to feel easier.

I am a strong believer that as we move our bodies...our souls heal...even when we don't think they are. Sometimes when we move we find ourselves crying especially on a walk or a run.

So go to the movie or for a walk or a drive. You are going to hurt anyways. Move the grief in you so it can heal.

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MOVEMENT...IN THE BODY...MOVEMENT IN THE SOUL...

Sometimes when we are grieving we hardly can get our bodies to move. Sometimes moving is the farthest thing from our minds. We just want to sit and curl up and pretend the day is not starting.

Most of us...even you...can put one very heavy foot before the other and move any ways. For the first while, every move can hurt when grief is so fresh with us.

Sage Movement is important in the grieving process. It helps our grief to move. We need to move our bodies and as we do, our grieving souls begin to move.

We need to do some things even if our souls feel like they have been left behind. We may even need to force ourselves. Yet as we begin to move back into life... movement begins to feel easier.

I am a strong believer that as we move our bodies...our souls heal...even when we don't think they are. Sometimes when we move we find ourselves crying especially on a walk or a run.

So go to the movie or for a walk or a drive. You are going to hurt anyways. Move the grief in you so it can heal.

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MOVEMENT...IN THE BODY...MOVEMENT IN THE SOUL...

Sometimes when we are grieving we hardly can get our bodies to move. Sometimes moving is the farthest thing from our minds. We just want to sit and curl up and pretend the day is not starting.

Most of us...even you...can put one very heavy foot before the other and move any ways. For the first while, every move can hurt when grief is so fresh with us.

Sage Movement is important in the grieving process. It helps our grief to move. We need to move our bodies and as we do, our grieving souls begin to move.

We need to do some things even if our souls feel like they have been left behind. We may even need to force ourselves. Yet as we begin to move back into life... movement begins to feel easier.

I am a strong believer that as we move our bodies...our souls heal...even when we don't think they are. Sometimes when we move we find ourselves crying especially on a walk or a run.

So go to the movie or for a walk or a drive. You are going to hurt anyways. Move the grief in you so it can heal.

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MOVEMENT...IN THE BODY...MOVEMENT IN THE SOUL...

Sometimes when we are grieving we hardly can get our bodies to move. Sometimes moving is the farthest thing from our minds. We just want to sit and curl up and pretend the day is not starting.

Most of us...even you...can put one very heavy foot before the other and move any ways. For the first while, every move can hurt when grief is so fresh with us.

Sage Movement is important in the grieving process. It helps our grief to move. We need to move our bodies and as we do, our grieving souls begin to move.

We need to do some things even if our souls feel like they have been left behind. We may even need to force ourselves. Yet as we begin to move back into life... movement begins to feel easier.

I am a strong believer that as we move our bodies...our souls heal...even when we don't think they are. Sometimes when we move we find ourselves crying especially on a walk or a run.

So go to the movie or for a walk or a drive. You are going to hurt anyways. Move the grief in you so it can heal.

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MOVEMENT...IN THE BODY...MOVEMENT IN THE SOUL...

Sometimes when we are grieving we hardly can get our bodies to move. Sometimes moving is the farthest thing from our minds. We just want to sit and curl up and pretend the day is not starting.

Most of us...even you...can put one very heavy foot before the other and move any ways. For the first while, every move can hurt when grief is so fresh with us.

Sage Movement is important in the grieving process. It helps our grief to move. We need to move our bodies and as we do, our grieving souls begin to move.

We need to do some things even if our souls feel like they have been left behind. We may even need to force ourselves. Yet as we begin to move back into life... movement begins to feel easier.

I am a strong believer that as we move our bodies...our souls heal...even when we don't think they are. Sometimes when we move we find ourselves crying especially on a walk or a run.

So go to the movie or for a walk or a drive. You are going to hurt anyways. Move the grief in you so it can heal.

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THANKFULNESS...COULD IT HELP???

How does one even begin to be thankful in the midst of a loss. What a strange thing to do. Yet the psalmist found thankfulness to be some of the best medicine.

If you ever read the psalms in the Bible, David starts with laments too deep for words. He complains and mourns. He puts to words the depth of our pain in this world. He puts loss into language we can express.

Sage David does something else that is so very important. He moves his laments in a space of being thankful. Even when it is obvious by his laments that he doesn't feel thankful, he found words of hope and thankfulness to speak. I think many times he probably didn't even feel thankful when he said them. Yet he said them any ways...

What happened??? He began to feel a bit better. He began to feel a bit more hopeful. I have tried this a few times when feeling really down. It really did make a difference.

Sage Introduce a bit of thankfulness into your grief. This is not to ignore your grieving pain. Just to balance it a bit. It may help to bring just a bit of sunlight into the darkness.

Try writing a Psalm for yourself. Begin with your deepest laments and end it with just a bit of thankfulness. See if it doesn't help a bit.

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THE LITTLE BLESSINGS

Grieving is so hard...so very, very hard. You miss your loved one so deeply...sometimes in ways unbearable. It is hard to even think that the sun will ever shine again. It is hard to see life in any part of it, at first.

Yet what I found was that even in the deepest of the pain...there were little blessings. If I opened to them and allowed them into my soul they became a part of my healing. They reminded me that there was still a reason to live. It reminded me that life still carried some goodness even in the wake of my deep loss of my child.

When I realized this, I began to look for the blessings in amongst my days and moments. The person at the door with a plate of food. The dragonfly that decided to land and stay awhile by my window. The friend who remembered an anniversary and brought some flowers.

Sage The dandelion that my special needs son brought me with a hug and a smile that was a mile wide. The hug from friends. The quick phone call. Even the gentle breathing and nudge at my hand of our hound dog trying to cheer me up. The more I looked, the more blessings seemed to appear.

The blessings do not take away deep grieving pain...but they share it somehow...making it more bearable. Most of all, these moments can come like a breath of fresh air into your pain reminding you that this life is good. You are loved by others and the healer of your soul.

These moments can come as a source of hope that perhaps one day, you may be able to feel lighter and enjoy these blessings more. Feel free to be held by the healer of our souls within each of these little moments...of blessings.

So stay open to the blessings. Let them comfort you. Let them love you. Let them hold you. Look for them. They are in every day and sometimes in each moment.

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CAN WE JUST SKIP SPRING...

Spring is here. The flowers are budding. The birds are singing. The grass is growing. It leaves one with mixed feelings if you are grieving. The struggle is...life seems to keep on growing and blooming and our loved one has stopped.

Our relationship seems to have stopped. The chance to hold and run and walk in the spring sun is over. All of this springtime life, feels so incongruent with what is going on the soul. Sometimes it can even make one feel angry and gypped.

Sage Other times it can create deep loneliness for the life partner who is no longer there to take a walk with. Perhaps you are lonely for the child whose swing you can no longer push. It all just feels so wrong. When everything else is coming to life and the soul feels so dead and deep in winter.

Yet there is also a gift in Spring that is in amongst this pain. With spring comes promise. The promise that life does keep coming back after it has been dormant for a time. It shows us that in our grieving a spring will come to our souls; perhaps not right now...

In time it will arrive and bit by bit the buds will appear. We will sing like the birds; perhaps not right now. Perhaps not tomorrow, but over time...deeply healing time. Spring will appear.

Just watch and wait. Meanwhile the work is to grieve. Let winter stay in your soul until it is time. Then listen...the birds will begin to sing their way into your dark place and life will find it's way into your soul.

Take a spring walk. Talk to your loved one who is gone. Let yourself walk and talk and cry and pray.

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IT IS RAINING IN MY SOUL TODAY...

It is raining here in our town today. Rainy weather seems to be the time when we feel our pain the most deeply. It gives voice to our pain. It can mix and mingle with our tears. And at the very least it seems to give permission to the soul to just BE in the grieving.

Sage This I would encourage today, that you allow your tears; allow the rain in your soul to flow. It is my experience that this is the most healing thing we can do sometimes.

Some folks worry that they will never be able to stop if they start crying; so they don't allow themselves to feel deeply their pain. Then it gets bottled up inside and turns to bitterness or anger or depression.

Allow the rain in your soul to flow today. Trust that this is your body's natural way to heal as created by your maker.

Remember this one thing; you are never ever alone in your tears. For the Healer of your Soul, weeps with you and holds you in your tears while catching every tear that falls...

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IT IS RAINING IN MY SOUL TODAY...

It is raining here in our town today. Rainy weather seems to be the time when we feel our pain the most deeply. It gives voice to our pain. It can mix and mingle with our tears. And at the very least it seems to give permission to the soul to just BE in the grieving.

Sage This I would encourage today, that you allow your tears; allow the rain in your soul to flow. It is my experience that this is the most healing thing we can do sometimes.

Some folks worry that they will never be able to stop if they start crying; so they don't allow themselves to feel deeply their pain. Then it gets bottled up inside and turns to bitterness or anger or depression.

Allow the rain in your soul to flow today. Trust that this is your body's natural way to heal as created by your maker.

Remember this one thing; you are never ever alone in your tears. For the Healer of your Soul, weeps with you and holds you in your tears while catching every tear that falls...

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IT IS RAINING IN MY SOUL TODAY...

It is raining here in our town today. Rainy weather seems to be the time when we feel our pain the most deeply. It gives voice to our pain. It can mix and mingle with our tears. And at the very least it seems to give permission to the soul to just BE in the grieving.

Sage This I would encourage today, that you allow your tears; allow the rain in your soul to flow. It is my experience that this is the most healing thing we can do sometimes.

Some folks worry that they will never be able to stop if they start crying; so they don't allow themselves to feel deeply their pain. Then it gets bottled up inside and turns to bitterness or anger or depression.

Allow the rain in your soul to flow today. Trust that this is your body's natural way to heal as created by your maker.

Remember this one thing; you are never ever alone in your tears. For the Healer of your Soul, weeps with you and holds you in your tears while catching every tear that falls...

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HOW MUCH LONGER?

Spring is here. One day it is so warm we are basking in the long forgotten sun. The next day it is so cold we are left to wonder where spring is. We had about a week of beautiful weather and then another week of almost zero degree temperatures...then a sudden, unexpected dump of snow.

So it is in the grieving journey. One day we can almost see the light. One day we feel the sun of life on our face and think that we may just survive this. Then the next day it hits again; the cold of our grief. Sometimes the changes are just minutes apart.

Sage So how does one live in this fluctuation of painful changes?
Minute by minute...
Day by day...
Sometimes breath by breath...

The best way to be with this is to BE with it. Allow that moment to be as it is. When the sun is out, warm yourself and enjoy the feeling of relief from your pain. When the clouds appear once again; allow yourself to feel that painful cold and void. Allow others to hold you in it.

What I discovered in this grieving, that over time if each moment and each part of the process is honored...we heal. More sunny days appear and bit by bit the cold of winter thaws in our hearts and the "spring of healing" comes to us.

Hang in there...Spring is on it's way to you...

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HOW MUCH LONGER?

Spring is here. One day it is so warm we are basking in the long forgotten sun. The next day it is so cold we are left to wonder where spring is. We had about a week of beautiful weather and then another week of almost zero degree temperatures...then a sudden, unexpected dump of snow.

So it is in the grieving journey. One day we can almost see the light. One day we feel the sun of life on our face and think that we may just survive this. Then the next day it hits again; the cold of our grief. Sometimes the changes are just minutes apart.

Sage So how does one live in this fluctuation of painful changes?
Minute by minute...
Day by day...
Sometimes breath by breath...

The best way to be with this is to BE with it. Allow that moment to be as it is. When the sun is out, warm yourself and enjoy the feeling of relief from your pain. When the clouds appear once again; allow yourself to feel that painful cold and void. Allow others to hold you in it.

What I discovered in this grieving, that over time if each moment and each part of the process is honored...we heal. More sunny days appear and bit by bit the cold of winter thaws in our hearts and the "spring of healing" comes to us.

Hang in there...Spring is on it's way to you...

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I FEEL SO ALONE...I FEEL SO LONELY

Grieving can be a very lonely place to be. Others may not understand this pain you are in. Perhaps they have not ever experienced such pain. They are busy doing their life...and sometimes are not aware that you are still in your corner in deep, deep pain.

Though sometimes we are the ones who make ourselves lonely. Sometimes we need to remember to reach out and let others love us in our grief.

Sometimes we are too proud to let others know that we hurt. We stuff our feelings down deep inside which makes the hurt more lonely and thus more painful. There is no shame in grieving. There is no shame in loving enough to feel deeply the loss.

Sage I have found that the easiest people to be with, in their grieving, have been the folks who do not apologize for where they are at. They do not apologize for hurting. They graciously, are open to let others just love them in their pain.

I had one such friend like this and she made it so comfortable to just be with her in her pain. It was hard to know how much pain she was in, however it was easy to sit with her in it.

Stay open to those around you who want to love you. Let them know what you need and how they can help. Just be yourself. That is more than enough. Let them in. Let them love you.

May you find the company you desire in this lonely time. May you feel a love that holds your deepest pain.

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FOLLOW WHAT YOUR HEART NEEDS

I hear so many of you say to me. "Others wonít let me feel. Others wonít let me cry. They say that I am to be over this by now. (A month after the loss!) They want me to feel better. They want me back; but for some reason I am just not ready to smile yet. I am just not ready to enter deeply into this life again yet. I just want to cry and be sad. Is it ok that I just BE with my feelings?"

I say to you, "It is more than ok."

It is absolutely essential for you to be present to your grieving process in order for you to heal. In fact it is more unhealthy, not to allow yourself the space to BE in your grieving place for a time. If you do this in a healthy way; you will move out, of your pain and sadness, into the light again.

Sage So give yourself permission to grieve. Give yourself permission to smile in amongst your tears if that is what you need. Give yourself permission to breathe.

If you do this...you are giving yourself and everyone around you a great gift. In the end, this gift means that you will be able to be more present to your loved ones here on this earth. This will happen for you just because you were present to the love you have for the one you have lost.

Blessings on you as your grieve your loss well. For then the stage is set for you to also live well.

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I HAVE NO RIGHT ANSWERS FOR SO DEEP A PAIN...

There are times when it seems I cannot think of anything of inspirational value to share with you. Tonight, I draw a blank.

I have no answers for this grieving process...for there are none for so deep a pain. Everyone travels this road in the way that they need to. Everyone takes the time they need to. There is no right way to do it. There is no right time to do it in.

Wow! This really is a road that is very much travelled yet so uncharted. We are each following an individual path. We each need what we need when we need it.

Sage This is a time in your life when you will need to follow your heart to your healing place. This is a time when all you may be able to do, is to breathe. If you are only able to breathe, that too is ok.

This is a time when it is important for you to give yourself permission to be fully present to your heart; to just feel what you feel. One moment it will be like a deep river of pain running through you. The next moment you are feeling rather ok. Then moments later you are overcome by huge loss again. This is normal. This is grief.

When all is said and done, you will feel better. In time your wounded heart will heal. The pain that is so deep will transform into a different void; one not so painful.

So...I am glad I have nothing inspirational to say today. I have nothing to say except to sit here with you in your grieving space and remind you to stay open and to breathe. I am here to remind you that healing is coming to you. Perhaps that is inspiration enough?

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WHAT DO I DO WITH MY DISABILITY? MY ABILITY?

Sometimes our losses are not death of person; but death of limb or sight or movement or...

Sage Something I have noticed is that often people try to move around their disability; even disregard that it exists.

The irony of this is that only when we embrace the death either of a loved one or the other losses in our lives...do we find our "ability" in amongst and behind our disability.

May we all have the grace to do this.

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RESURRECTION IN YOUR SOUL

As Easter comes, we enter into the season of death and of resurrection. For those who have gone before us, their ultimate resurrection has already come to them.

Yet for us left behind...as we grieve, we also can experience a resurrection in our souls.

At first we feel as though a part of us is dying right along with our loved one. Then as time moves us and we begin to heal; a resurrection comes upon us. It is a process of coming back to life. A process where the lover of our souls loves us back to life.

Sage Once burdened and heavy, our souls, left in the wake of the death of our loved one...come slowly...ever so slowly back to life.

As you reflect on your loss at this Easter time, remember that as you open and enter into your healing, resurrection will come to you. You do not need to work for it...
just open to it.

For the one who died and rose for you, promises to walk with you through this valley of death and bring your grieving heart back to life.

The best part of this kind of resurrection is that it comes from the one who is more than able to hold a great deal of pain. This one can bring a resurrection into your void that is beyond your wildest dreams. This healer wants nothing more than to see you filled with joy again.

Special Blessings on you, as your soul grieves and sorrows during this Easter time.

Special Blessings on you, as your grieving soul is resurrected and made whole once again.

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A WINTERS WALK...

I went for a walk one winter day shortly after our little one left us. We went with friends. We walked as a family. I did not want to go. I barely wanted to live. But we went...

We dressed one less little person and we went very reluctantly. We put one step in front of the other as we heard the crunch of the snow beneath our feet. We trudged along... heavy steps while our son bounded around in the snow. He was loving it.

Sage In spite of our pain we too found ourselves enjoying the sparkle of the snow in the bright sunlight. We found ourselves enjoying our son's light heart. The beginnings of joy and sorrow mixed. So we learned a large lesson.

Grieving is about putting one foot in front of the other even when no feet feel like moving. It is about choosing to step into the new space without our loved one. It is about daring to enter life in the glaring missing of our precious. Step by step by step...we found new life.

When you cannot do the day...just step into the present moment one step at a time. Soon you will step your way into the light.

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PAINFUL MISSING IS TRANSFORMED...

It was winter. I woke each day to the empty cold winter days with snow. My special one lay under that cold and hard ground and my soul lays there too in so many ways. How does one do this?

I kept thinking. How does one wake each and every day...without that special someone greeting them with a kiss or a "hi mom or dad" or a smile or a cuddle? How does one do this? I remember thinking this as I began each day. I never did get an answer. But I did do it.

Sage The longing transformed into something less painful. Each day eventually got easier. One day I found myself no longer finding that to be my first thought. This was my clue. I was healing. I was going to make it through this horrible space back into the light.

We do make our way back into the land of the living. Sometimes our way is over a very painful winter experience. We are created to heal and we eventually find our way back if we allow it. This comforts me.

When you are most discouraged; take heart and gather hope from the one who knows. You will heal if you enter your grieving and allow it to be.

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THE WINTER GRAVE...

During the winter the grave gets blown over and sometimes even covered in snow. This threatens to erase my loved one, so I go there and lovingly wipe the snow away. I will not let anyone forget.

Sage But sometimes I just donít get there and the grave does get covered. It is in these times that I am reminded that there is one who never erases my loved one. This is the one with whom they live.

This is the one who sees them every day and loves them and knows them. I am reminded that their spirit and soul and memory can never be wiped out. For they live on even when I cannot see them...

One thing that can never be taken from you is the love you share with the person who has gone to the next place. This is yours always.

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DEATH DISQUALIFIES LIFE as I had always known it...

Sometimes death seems to leave me paralysed. I am disillusioned due to the finality and the incredible tearing in the soul. It makes no sense to the way I am used to seeing life. All the things I rely on to reference life...seem to be disqualified. Meaning, purpose, sense of belonging and the significance I put to my life, are all messed up.

Sage So I need to find ways to reconnect with this world and how I see things. Sometimes it takes me some time, but eventually I find a way. I find a way, not to make sense of this "death" thing, but some way to reconnect to my life in a different way.

I find a way without the person I so desperately miss. I find a way to live in my void and still be ok. I know there is no right way... but I find the way that works for me.

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THE WINTER OF MY GRIEVING

Sometimes the winter feels so very long. The days feel long and the nights chilly. This can be especially so when we are hurting. It feels as if the "winter" in our souls will never be over...that spring will never come to us.

Sage Gradually almost without our knowing...it comes. Spring arrives in our souls. We find ourselves smiling just a bit more. We find ourselves crying a few less tears. We find ourselves more motivated, doing a bit more. Then we wonder how we ever survived the cold hard winter; but we did...amazingly we did.

So if you are in the middle of the winter of your grief...just be there...and soon spring will come...

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LIVING IN THE MOMENT

In the winter, my children lay in the snow and make snow angels. They are so happy. It reminds me of our little angel who makes snow angels in heaven. It reminds me just how important it is to live in the moment.

Sage We have this moment together as a family and I treasure each moment...each snow angel. This helps me when they are not being "angels". This helps me to live fully in the now even while missing my one who is gone.

Make a point to be present to each moment...the joyful moments and yes...even and especially the painful moments.

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New Life and Resurrection Has Come...Is Coming...

When the snow completely covers the ground, I am reminded of all the stuff I never picked up before it came. I find myself relieved that the snow covers it over.

Death also comes like a blanket of snow making invisible the one who was with us. It covers our lives like a big cloud. The sun doesnít seem to want to shine in our souls. Our souls seem to be covered over by a blanket of the snow of death.

Sage And so we grieve for a time. It is unknown as to how long we will be under our blanket of grief. But we can know that we are not there alone. And at the right time, the healer of our souls will bring out the sun to dry up the clouds.

New life will come from this dark place. This we can know for sure...that out of our place of grief, pain and death that resurrection for our souls is on itís way. We will be renewed. Rest in this knowledge.

When you feel discouraged about the painful place you find yourself in...remind yourself that this pain will transform and heal if you allow yourself to be with it.

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MAKING SPACE TO HEAL

Winter has itís ways... There is a relief when the snow begins to fall. There is a permission to just stop and rest...along with nature. Everything is still. Making space for us to sit by our fire...space for us to be with our thoughts and feelings.

Sage Making the so needed space to feel our grieving pain. Instead of avoiding it, we enter into it. There is a relief, a stillness and sometimes a dread. Yet it is important; to be still and to feel. It is important to not run from our pain and grief...for this is the place we can heal.

This week allow yourself the space to grieve in amongst your living.

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FINDING MY BALANCE

It has been so bitterly cold outside these last weeks, here in Alberta. The other night they say it was between 40 and 50 degrees below. It was awful. The next day, we had to get the kids off to school and to sitters and us to work.

It was one of those days when we just wanted to curl up with a book, a blanket and a fire. Every bone in my body just wanted to stop and not run around or even go outside. In fact in one of my counselling appointments, I just wore my coat and so did the person I was with.

Sage I thought about this. This is kind of what happens when people are grieving. Sometimes they just feel like they are freezing up. They often just want to curl up and protect themselves from the harshness of the world around. I think this is a natural response.

The body and soul do need to stop a bit and be nurtured when they have weathered so great a storm. Then life calls us back into things...which is also good. It is important to get out and do things that feel normal. It is also important to find a balance between going inside to heal and moving outside of ourselves to heal. It is important to listen to what the soul needs. It is important to pay attention.

This week spend some time listening to what your body and soul needs. Ask yourself where you might be out of balance. Take some small steps to get back into balance. If you are spending too much time closing in...then you may need to open a bit. But if you are running around and not spending any time in quiet with your grief, you may need to be in your silent pain.

Be gentle with yourself. Be honest with yourself. Nurture yourself. Move yourself. Find your Balance.

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Listen to What your Soul needs...It will tell you...

On Monday, January the 17th, is our daughterís birthday. Jayde would have been three. It is hard to believe that she has been gone that long. I find myself getting a bit quieter during this time in my soul. I like to stop and reflect...to stop and think about her. I like to do something to be with her even if she is not physically present with me.

Sage Sometimes I donít even know how to be on that day or what I need. So I wait. I listen. To see what seems to be important for my soul.

Two years ago, Dale seemed to be quite agitated on that day. It was a Saturday. He was diligently off to the office to catch up on some things... But, his soul just couldnít shake the strange feelings he had and his body was playing right along with it. He just kept dragging his feet. In fact, quite out of character he showed up at my office between appointments just to say Hi.

We went to a nearby coffee place and talked. When he actually stopped to listen to himself, he knew that what he needed was to send time with Jaydeís memory and with her spirit. So he spent the day securing the flowers at her grave, which previously had kept falling over. By the end of the day his soul felt so much better.

Sage Each year seems to be this way. We seem to need to be with this day, differently...even differently from each other. This is ok. The only thing that is important is that we pay attention to what our soul needs at that time.

I donít think that this is exclusive to birthdays and special occasions. To grieve well, one must be listening to the soul. Each day is different. Each day has a different need in the grieving process.

Pay close attention to your soul. Pay close attention to what it needs to be with and to heal from, in your grief journey this week. It will lead you to wholeness.

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BACK INTO THE SWING OF THINGS

Well here we are back into the swing of life without a swing in your heart and step. People are back to work. The excitement of the holidays is only evident in the few lights that are still up. Some are still celebrating...but most are back into regular everyday life.

Sage Do you sometimes just feel out of touch with all of this movement? Does your heart feel like it is standing still as you feel the pain of your losses? It can almost feel like the world is spinning by you and you are on a whole different ride. Here is the thing. You are. You are on a different ride. You are in a different place if you are hurting or grieving.

You may not be able to just get into things without some effort. Maybe you shouldn't. Maybe you need to give yourself the grace to just go the pace you need to go at. It is so important to honour your grieving place this year. Slowly allow yourself to step back into the dance of life, taking all the time you need to grieve your loss.

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Happy New Year???

It is pretty hard to think about having a "happy year" when one has lost someone they love so deeply. We just donít want to start the year without having them with us. Just as "Merry Christmas" felt so incongruent with life as it seems to be unfolding...so does having a "Happy New Year".

So how do we approach the New Year with grieving pain in our souls? The only thing that seems to be appropriate is to just "be" in our sadness and try not to force ourselves to feel anything we really donít feel.

Sage In fact I think that opening a new year in honesty is the best way to start a new year. Be with where you are at. Stay open in your grieving for the healing that is yours. Perhaps this New Year needs to begin in expectation of the void and also in expectation that healing will come to that void.

Dare to believe that this year there will be gifts of peace for your soul. Blessings, as you begin this year more empty in your soul than usual. Be gentle with yourself this year. Be honest and authentic about where you are really at and allow yourself to just BE there.

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MAYBE WE JUST DIDNíT NOTICE?

We sometimes think that comfort will never come our way into our grief. We feel so alone. Yet at times it is there...for me. I just havenít opened my eyes wide enough to notice. I am being held; the whole time by the healer of my soul. I have just been so hurting that I didnít notice it.

Sage Sometimes it is weeks, even months later that we begin to notice just how much we have been taken care of. As the new year approaches, we look forward and we look back. It is then that we can see the times that we have been carried.

And so you enter this new year...know that you will be carried...even when you donít notice it. Even when you feel the most alone, you are not alone after all.

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MAYBE WE JUST DIDNíT NOTICE?

We sometimes think that comfort will never come our way into our grief. We feel so alone. Yet at times it is there...for me. I just havenít opened my eyes wide enough to notice. I am being held; the whole time by the healer of my soul. I have just been so hurting that I didnít notice it.

Sage Sometimes it is weeks, even months later that we begin to notice just how much we have been taken care of. As the new year approaches, we look forward and we look back. It is then that we can see the times that we have been carried.

And so you enter this new year...know that you will be carried...even when you donít notice it. Even when you feel the most alone, you are not alone after all.

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STABLE GRACE

There is something about the stable. The grace in it all. The permission to be honest. To cut through all the trimmings and get down to the heart of the matter. This stable grace, I call it, gives me permission to be honest with my soul; to be honest with my grief. This stable grace, allows me to cry when I need to and even to laugh when it feels right.

Sage It allows me to close and breathe in deeply of my pain. It allows me to exhale my sorrow, releasing it into the world. This Christ child came to be real and honest. This Christ child came to show me that he comes into my normal, painful world to be present with me. For my grief that is a true gift...there is no better Christmas gift to me; the presence of one who loves me more than any other.

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