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Weekly Inspirational Messages
FEELINGS NEED TO BE HONOURED
Some days are just as they are. Some moments are just as they
are. We have moments of "missing". We have moments of laughter
often followed by moments of extreme sadness. Then sometimes we
experience an angry moment. Often these unexpected feelings come
unawares, as if to sneak up on us.
These feelings are such natural parts of the grieving process
although it sure may not feel like it at the time. Sometimes
folks even feel like they are going nuts with the different
emotions that seem to be so intense. Some feel afraid that they
are going crazy. I have heard this lots. Yet you are
experiencing some very, very normal things and so you are in
very, very good company.
When your emotions and feelings come and go like this.
Just move with them. When you need to feel sad...just
do so (a good cry is so very good for the grieving soul). If you
need to be mad...then be angry (Just don't hurt anyone else in
the process). Move graciously with your grief, honoring your
feelings and your process.
When you feel overwhelmed just remind yourself that this is
normal. You will survive this. You will indeed heal in
time, if you allow and honour your feelings. Just take
your grieving feelings with a deep breath of patience. May you
feel the closeness of the loving arms of the "Healer of your
Soul" in these dark times.
(was displayed for week #36 ending with line #944)
WHICH WAY IS THE RIGHT WAY?
There are so many ways to do this grieving process. One person
manages it one way and another person in the very same type of
situation...deals with it so differently. This is because we are
truly very unique and come from such a variety of backgrounds.
People sometimes look at someone who is grieving and have some
ideas about how they should be going through their process.
Some might say, "move on...you are not moving on", when it is
only a few months since the death. Others might say, "you
cannot do this or that so soon."
Sometimes others are there to really help us to notice that we
are not moving in healthier ways and they may be right. But at
other times...this is just their agenda that doesn't fit for us.
Although it is not wise to make major decisions when grieving, we
are each so unique. What may be helpful for one may not be for
another. It is wise to listen to our friends and then
decide for ourselves if their thoughts are true for us.
In my experience with people who grieve...everyone has different
needs. Some may grieve in a healthier way than others. Still,
we all heal in different ways and in a different amount of time,
from our emotional pain. We understand that this is the way with
our bodies; why wouldn't it be the same with our souls?
Sometimes we pressure ourselves to move forward when we are not
ready and need to slow ourselves down. At other times we get a
bit stuck in our grieving process and need someone to help us to
gently move from that place. Still others might have turned to
addictions or other things to cope...and need to get some help to
allow their pain in a healthier manner.
There is no perfect way to grieve. There are just ways that are
more healthy than others.
We just need to honor our own process and our own feelings. Then
we can make healthy choices that are healing for
our soul.
Blessings as you gently follow your heart.
(was displayed for week #35 ending with line #913)
MOVEMENT...IN THE BODY...MOVEMENT IN THE SOUL...
Sometimes when we are grieving we hardly can get our bodies to
move. Sometimes moving is the farthest thing from our minds. We
just want to sit and curl up and pretend the day is not starting.
Most of us...even you...can put one very heavy foot before
the other and move any ways. For the first while, every move can
hurt when grief is so fresh with us.
Movement is important in the grieving process.
It helps our grief to move. We need to move our bodies and as we
do, our grieving souls begin to move.
We need to do some things even if our souls feel like they have
been left behind. We may even need to force ourselves. Yet as
we begin to move back into life... movement begins to feel
easier.
I am a strong believer that as we move our bodies...our souls
heal...even when we don't think they are. Sometimes when we move
we find ourselves crying especially on a walk or a run.
So go to the movie or for a walk or a drive. You are going to
hurt anyways. Move the grief in you so it can heal.
(was displayed for week #34 ending with line #867)
Feelings Balance Feelings...
Feelings come and go like the wind. When we grieve, feelings can
be overwhelming. It can be hard to know how we feel. One moment
things may even seem ok... or even good... Then the waves come
and we are overcome with the unimaginable strength of our
feelings.
Sometimes others are uncomfortable with feelings and want you to
move too quickly out of feeling sad. But, sadness is a very
normal part of grieving, as is anger, and loneliness, and so many
other feelings. When we lose someone we love...feelings of all
sorts come to the surface.
Feelings need no judgement. They are just what they
are..."feelings". They are to be honoured and felt in whatever
way we need to feel them. When we pay attention to our feelings
and allow ourselves to safely feel them, we find healing. When
we ignore our feelings and expect ourselves to move too quickly
through our grief, they will catch up with us later.
Make sure you give yourself and those around you permission to
feel their grief. Don’t rush this process or let others rush it
for you. If you find yourself stuck in your feelings ask someone
to help you move through them.
Remember... BE with your feelings. Feel them.
Let them move through you to healing.
(was displayed for week #33 ending with line #843)
MOVEMENT...IN THE BODY...MOVEMENT IN THE SOUL...
Sometimes when we are grieving we hardly can get our bodies to
move. Sometimes moving is the farthest thing from our minds. We
just want to sit and curl up and pretend the day is not starting.
Most of us...even you...can put one very heavy foot before
the other and move any ways. For the first while, every move can
hurt when grief is so fresh with us.
Movement is important in the grieving process.
It helps our grief to move. We need to move our bodies and as we
do, our grieving souls begin to move.
We need to do some things even if our souls feel like they have
been left behind. We may even need to force ourselves. Yet as
we begin to move back into life... movement begins to feel
easier.
I am a strong believer that as we move our bodies...our souls
heal...even when we don't think they are. Sometimes when we move
we find ourselves crying especially on a walk or a run.
So go to the movie or for a walk or a drive. You are going to
hurt anyways. Move the grief in you so it can heal.
(was displayed for week #32 ending with line #814)
MOVEMENT...IN THE BODY...MOVEMENT IN THE SOUL...
Sometimes when we are grieving we hardly can get our bodies to
move. Sometimes moving is the farthest thing from our minds. We
just want to sit and curl up and pretend the day is not starting.
Most of us...even you...can put one very heavy foot before
the other and move any ways. For the first while, every move can
hurt when grief is so fresh with us.
Movement is important in the grieving process.
It helps our grief to move. We need to move our bodies and as we
do, our grieving souls begin to move.
We need to do some things even if our souls feel like they have
been left behind. We may even need to force ourselves. Yet as
we begin to move back into life... movement begins to feel
easier.
I am a strong believer that as we move our bodies...our souls
heal...even when we don't think they are. Sometimes when we move
we find ourselves crying especially on a walk or a run.
So go to the movie or for a walk or a drive. You are going to
hurt anyways. Move the grief in you so it can heal.
(was displayed for week #31 ending with line #790)
MOVEMENT...IN THE BODY...MOVEMENT IN THE SOUL...
Sometimes when we are grieving we hardly can get our bodies to
move. Sometimes moving is the farthest thing from our minds. We
just want to sit and curl up and pretend the day is not starting.
Most of us...even you...can put one very heavy foot before
the other and move any ways. For the first while, every move can
hurt when grief is so fresh with us.
Movement is important in the grieving process.
It helps our grief to move. We need to move our bodies and as we
do, our grieving souls begin to move.
We need to do some things even if our souls feel like they have
been left behind. We may even need to force ourselves. Yet as
we begin to move back into life... movement begins to feel
easier.
I am a strong believer that as we move our bodies...our souls
heal...even when we don't think they are. Sometimes when we move
we find ourselves crying especially on a walk or a run.
So go to the movie or for a walk or a drive. You are going to
hurt anyways. Move the grief in you so it can heal.
(was displayed for week #30 ending with line #766)
MOVEMENT...IN THE BODY...MOVEMENT IN THE SOUL...
Sometimes when we are grieving we hardly can get our bodies to
move. Sometimes moving is the farthest thing from our minds. We
just want to sit and curl up and pretend the day is not starting.
Most of us...even you...can put one very heavy foot before
the other and move any ways. For the first while, every move can
hurt when grief is so fresh with us.
Movement is important in the grieving process.
It helps our grief to move. We need to move our bodies and as we
do, our grieving souls begin to move.
We need to do some things even if our souls feel like they have
been left behind. We may even need to force ourselves. Yet as
we begin to move back into life... movement begins to feel
easier.
I am a strong believer that as we move our bodies...our souls
heal...even when we don't think they are. Sometimes when we move
we find ourselves crying especially on a walk or a run.
So go to the movie or for a walk or a drive. You are going to
hurt anyways. Move the grief in you so it can heal.
(was displayed for week #29 ending with line #742)
MOVEMENT...IN THE BODY...MOVEMENT IN THE SOUL...
Sometimes when we are grieving we hardly can get our bodies to
move. Sometimes moving is the farthest thing from our minds. We
just want to sit and curl up and pretend the day is not starting.
Most of us...even you...can put one very heavy foot before
the other and move any ways. For the first while, every move can
hurt when grief is so fresh with us.
Movement is important in the grieving process.
It helps our grief to move. We need to move our bodies and as we
do, our grieving souls begin to move.
We need to do some things even if our souls feel like they have
been left behind. We may even need to force ourselves. Yet as
we begin to move back into life... movement begins to feel
easier.
I am a strong believer that as we move our bodies...our souls
heal...even when we don't think they are. Sometimes when we move
we find ourselves crying especially on a walk or a run.
So go to the movie or for a walk or a drive. You are going to
hurt anyways. Move the grief in you so it can heal.
(was displayed for week #28 ending with line #718)
MOVEMENT...IN THE BODY...MOVEMENT IN THE SOUL...
Sometimes when we are grieving we hardly can get our bodies to
move. Sometimes moving is the farthest thing from our minds. We
just want to sit and curl up and pretend the day is not starting.
Most of us...even you...can put one very heavy foot before
the other and move any ways. For the first while, every move can
hurt when grief is so fresh with us.
Movement is important in the grieving process.
It helps our grief to move. We need to move our bodies and as we
do, our grieving souls begin to move.
We need to do some things even if our souls feel like they have
been left behind. We may even need to force ourselves. Yet as
we begin to move back into life... movement begins to feel
easier.
I am a strong believer that as we move our bodies...our souls
heal...even when we don't think they are. Sometimes when we move
we find ourselves crying especially on a walk or a run.
So go to the movie or for a walk or a drive. You are going to
hurt anyways. Move the grief in you so it can heal.
(was displayed for week #27 ending with line #694)
MOVEMENT...IN THE BODY...MOVEMENT IN THE SOUL...
Sometimes when we are grieving we hardly can get our bodies to
move. Sometimes moving is the farthest thing from our minds. We
just want to sit and curl up and pretend the day is not starting.
Most of us...even you...can put one very heavy foot before
the other and move any ways. For the first while, every move can
hurt when grief is so fresh with us.
Movement is important in the grieving process.
It helps our grief to move. We need to move our bodies and as we
do, our grieving souls begin to move.
We need to do some things even if our souls feel like they have
been left behind. We may even need to force ourselves. Yet as
we begin to move back into life... movement begins to feel
easier.
I am a strong believer that as we move our bodies...our souls
heal...even when we don't think they are. Sometimes when we move
we find ourselves crying especially on a walk or a run.
So go to the movie or for a walk or a drive. You are going to
hurt anyways. Move the grief in you so it can heal.
(was displayed for week #26 ending with line #670)
THANKFULNESS...COULD IT HELP???
How does one even begin to be thankful in the midst of a loss.
What a strange thing to do. Yet the psalmist found thankfulness
to be some of the best medicine.
If you ever read the psalms in the Bible, David starts with
laments too deep for words. He complains and mourns. He puts to
words the depth of our pain in this world. He puts loss into
language we can express.
David does something else that is so very important. He moves
his laments in a space of being thankful. Even when it is
obvious by his laments that he doesn't feel thankful, he found
words of hope and thankfulness to speak. I think many times he
probably didn't even feel thankful when he said them. Yet he
said them any ways...
What happened??? He began to feel a bit better.
He began to feel a bit more hopeful. I have tried this a few
times when feeling really down. It really did make a
difference.
Introduce a bit of thankfulness into your grief. This is not to
ignore your grieving pain. Just to balance it a bit. It may
help to bring just a bit of sunlight into the darkness.
Try writing a Psalm for yourself. Begin with your deepest
laments and end it with just a bit of thankfulness. See if it
doesn't help a bit.
(was displayed for week #25 ending with line #646)
THE LITTLE BLESSINGS
Grieving is so hard...so very, very hard. You miss your loved
one so deeply...sometimes in ways unbearable. It is hard to even
think that the sun will ever shine again. It is hard to see life
in any part of it, at first.
Yet what I found was that even in the deepest of the
pain...there were little blessings. If I opened to them
and allowed them into my soul they became a part of my healing.
They reminded me that there was still a reason to live. It
reminded me that life still carried some goodness even in the
wake of my deep loss of my child.
When I realized this, I began to look for the blessings in
amongst my days and moments. The person at the door with a plate
of food. The dragonfly that decided to land and stay awhile by
my window. The friend who remembered an anniversary and brought
some flowers.
The dandelion that my special needs son brought me with a hug and
a smile that was a mile wide. The hug from friends. The quick
phone call. Even the gentle breathing and nudge at my hand of
our hound dog trying to cheer me up. The more I looked, the more
blessings seemed to appear.
The blessings do not take away deep grieving pain...but they
share it somehow...making it more bearable. Most of all, these
moments can come like a breath of fresh air into your pain
reminding you that this life is good. You are loved by others
and the healer of your soul.
These moments can come as a source of hope that perhaps one day,
you may be able to feel lighter and enjoy these blessings more.
Feel free to be held by the healer of our souls within each of
these little moments...of blessings.
So stay open to the blessings. Let them comfort
you. Let them love you. Let them hold you. Look for them. They
are in every day and sometimes in each moment.
(was displayed for week #24 ending with line #617)
CAN WE JUST SKIP SPRING...
Spring is here. The flowers are budding. The birds are singing.
The grass is growing. It leaves one with mixed feelings if you
are grieving. The struggle is...life seems to keep on growing
and blooming and our loved one has stopped.
Our relationship seems to have stopped. The chance to hold and
run and walk in the spring sun is over. All of this springtime
life, feels so incongruent with what is going on the soul.
Sometimes it can even make one feel angry and gypped.
Other times it can create deep loneliness for the life partner
who is no longer there to take a walk with. Perhaps you are
lonely for the child whose swing you can no longer push. It all
just feels so wrong. When everything else is coming to life and
the soul feels so dead and deep in winter.
Yet there is also a gift in Spring that is in amongst this pain.
With spring comes promise. The promise that
life does keep coming back after it has been dormant for a time.
It shows us that in our grieving a spring will come to our souls;
perhaps not right now...
In time it will arrive and bit by bit the buds will appear. We
will sing like the birds; perhaps not right now. Perhaps not
tomorrow, but over time...deeply healing time. Spring will
appear.
Just watch and wait. Meanwhile the work is to grieve. Let
winter stay in your soul until it is time. Then listen...the
birds will begin to sing their way into your dark place and life
will find it's way into your soul.
Take a spring walk. Talk to your loved one who is gone. Let
yourself walk and talk and cry and pray.
(was displayed for week #23 ending with line #581)
IT IS RAINING IN MY SOUL TODAY...
It is raining here in our town today. Rainy weather seems to be
the time when we feel our pain the most deeply. It gives voice
to our pain. It can mix and mingle with our tears. And at the
very least it seems to give permission to the soul to just BE in
the grieving.
This I would encourage today, that you allow your tears; allow
the rain in your soul to flow. It is my experience that this is
the most healing thing we can do sometimes.
Some folks worry that they will never be able to stop if they
start crying; so they don't allow themselves to feel deeply their
pain. Then it gets bottled up inside and turns to bitterness or
anger or depression.
Allow the rain in your soul to flow today. Trust that this is
your body's natural way to heal as created by your maker.
Remember this one thing; you are never ever
alone in your tears.
For the Healer of your Soul, weeps with you and holds you in your
tears while catching every tear that falls...
(was displayed for week #22 ending with line #549)
IT IS RAINING IN MY SOUL TODAY...
It is raining here in our town today. Rainy weather seems to be
the time when we feel our pain the most deeply. It gives voice
to our pain. It can mix and mingle with our tears. And at the
very least it seems to give permission to the soul to just BE in
the grieving.
This I would encourage today, that you allow your tears; allow
the rain in your soul to flow. It is my experience that this is
the most healing thing we can do sometimes.
Some folks worry that they will never be able to stop if they
start crying; so they don't allow themselves to feel deeply their
pain. Then it gets bottled up inside and turns to bitterness or
anger or depression.
Allow the rain in your soul to flow today. Trust that this is
your body's natural way to heal as created by your maker.
Remember this one thing; you are never ever
alone in your tears.
For the Healer of your Soul, weeps with you and holds you in your
tears while catching every tear that falls...
(was displayed for week #21 ending with line #527)
IT IS RAINING IN MY SOUL TODAY...
It is raining here in our town today. Rainy weather seems to be
the time when we feel our pain the most deeply. It gives voice
to our pain. It can mix and mingle with our tears. And at the
very least it seems to give permission to the soul to just BE in
the grieving.
This I would encourage today, that you allow your tears; allow
the rain in your soul to flow. It is my experience that this is
the most healing thing we can do sometimes.
Some folks worry that they will never be able to stop if they
start crying; so they don't allow themselves to feel deeply their
pain. Then it gets bottled up inside and turns to bitterness or
anger or depression.
Allow the rain in your soul to flow today. Trust that this is
your body's natural way to heal as created by your maker.
Remember this one thing; you are never ever
alone in your tears.
For the Healer of your Soul, weeps with you and holds you in your
tears while catching every tear that falls...
(was displayed for week #20 ending with line #505)
HOW MUCH LONGER?
Spring is here. One day it is so warm we are basking in the long
forgotten sun. The next day it is so cold we are left to wonder
where spring is. We had about a week of beautiful weather and
then another week of almost zero degree temperatures...then a
sudden, unexpected dump of snow.
So it is in the grieving journey. One day we can almost see the
light. One day we feel the sun of life on our face and think that
we may just survive this. Then the next day it hits again; the
cold of our grief. Sometimes the changes are just minutes apart.
So how does one live in this fluctuation of painful changes?
Minute by minute...
Day by day...
Sometimes breath by breath...
The best way to be with this is to BE with it.
Allow that moment to be as it is. When the sun is out, warm
yourself and enjoy the feeling of relief from your pain. When the
clouds appear once again; allow yourself to feel that painful
cold and void. Allow others to hold you in it.
What I discovered in this grieving, that over time if each moment
and each part of the process is honored...we heal. More sunny
days appear and bit by bit the cold of winter thaws in our hearts
and the "spring of healing" comes to us.
Hang in there...Spring is on it's way to
you...
(was displayed for week #19 ending with line #483)
HOW MUCH LONGER?
Spring is here. One day it is so warm we are basking in the long
forgotten sun. The next day it is so cold we are left to wonder
where spring is. We had about a week of beautiful weather and
then another week of almost zero degree temperatures...then a
sudden, unexpected dump of snow.
So it is in the grieving journey. One day we can almost see the
light. One day we feel the sun of life on our face and think that
we may just survive this. Then the next day it hits again; the
cold of our grief. Sometimes the changes are just minutes apart.
So how does one live in this fluctuation of painful changes?
Minute by minute...
Day by day...
Sometimes breath by breath...
The best way to be with this is to BE with it.
Allow that moment to be as it is. When the sun is out, warm
yourself and enjoy the feeling of relief from your pain. When the
clouds appear once again; allow yourself to feel that painful
cold and void. Allow others to hold you in it.
What I discovered in this grieving, that over time if each moment
and each part of the process is honored...we heal. More sunny
days appear and bit by bit the cold of winter thaws in our hearts
and the "spring of healing" comes to us.
Hang in there...Spring is on it's way to
you...
(was displayed for week #18 ending with line #450)
I FEEL SO ALONE...I FEEL SO LONELY
Grieving can be a very lonely place to be. Others may not
understand this pain you are in. Perhaps they have not ever
experienced such pain. They are busy doing their life...and
sometimes are not aware that you are still in your corner in
deep, deep pain.
Though sometimes we are the ones who make ourselves lonely.
Sometimes we need to remember to reach out and let others love us
in our grief.
Sometimes we are too proud to let others know that we hurt. We
stuff our feelings down deep inside which makes the hurt more
lonely and thus more painful. There is no shame in
grieving. There is no shame in loving enough to feel
deeply the loss.
I have found that the easiest people to be with, in their
grieving, have been the folks who do not apologize for where
they are at. They do not apologize for hurting. They
graciously, are open to let others just love them in their
pain.
I had one such friend like this and she made it so comfortable to
just be with her in her pain. It was hard to know how much pain
she was in, however it was easy to sit with her in it.
Stay open to those around you who want to love you. Let them
know what you need and how they can help. Just be
yourself. That is more than enough. Let them in. Let
them love you.
May you find the company you desire in this lonely time. May you
feel a love that holds your deepest pain.
(was displayed for week #17 ending with line #417)
FOLLOW WHAT YOUR HEART NEEDS
I hear so many of you say to me. "Others won’t let me feel.
Others won’t let me cry. They say that I am to be over this by
now. (A month after the loss!) They want me to feel better. They
want me back; but for some reason I am just not ready to smile
yet. I am just not ready to enter deeply into this life again
yet. I just want to cry and be sad. Is it ok that I just BE
with my feelings?"
I say to you, "It is more than ok."
It is absolutely essential for you to be present to your grieving
process in order for you to heal. In fact it is more unhealthy,
not to allow yourself the space to BE in your grieving
place for a time. If you do this in a healthy way; you
will move out, of your pain and sadness, into the light
again.
So give yourself permission to grieve. Give yourself permission
to smile in amongst your tears if that is what you need.
Give yourself permission to breathe.
If you do this...you are giving yourself and everyone around you
a great gift. In the end, this gift means that you will be able
to be more present to your loved ones here on this earth. This
will happen for you just because you were present to the love you
have for the one you have lost.
Blessings on you as your grieve your loss well. For then the
stage is set for you to also live well.
(was displayed for week #16 ending with line #384)
I HAVE NO RIGHT ANSWERS FOR SO DEEP A PAIN...
There are times when it seems I cannot think of anything of
inspirational value to share with you. Tonight, I draw a
blank.
I have no answers for this grieving process...for there are none
for so deep a pain. Everyone travels this road in the way that
they need to. Everyone takes the time they need to. There is no
right way to do it. There is no right time to do it in.
Wow! This really is a road that is very much travelled yet so
uncharted. We are each following an individual path. We each
need what we need when we need it.
This is a time in your life when you will need to follow your
heart to your healing place. This is a time when all you may be
able to do, is to breathe. If you are only able to breathe, that
too is ok.
This is a time when it is important for you to give yourself
permission to be fully present to your heart; to
just feel what you feel. One moment it will be like a deep river
of pain running through you. The next moment you are feeling
rather ok. Then moments later you are overcome by huge loss
again. This is normal. This is grief.
When all is said and done, you will feel better. In time your
wounded heart will heal. The pain that is so deep will transform
into a different void; one not so painful.
So...I am glad I have nothing inspirational to say today. I have
nothing to say except to sit here with you in your grieving space
and remind you to stay open and to breathe. I am here to remind
you that healing is coming to you. Perhaps that
is inspiration enough?
(was displayed for week #15 ending with line #356)
WHAT DO I DO WITH MY DISABILITY? MY ABILITY?
Sometimes our losses are not death of person; but death of limb
or sight or movement or...
Something I have noticed is that often people try to move around
their disability; even disregard that it exists.
The irony of this is that only when we embrace
the death either of a loved one or the other losses in our
lives...do we find our "ability" in amongst and
behind our disability.
May we all have the grace to do this.
(was displayed for week #14 ending with line #324)
RESURRECTION IN YOUR SOUL
As Easter comes, we enter into the season of death and of
resurrection. For those who have gone before us, their ultimate
resurrection has already come to them.
Yet for us left behind...as we grieve, we also can experience a
resurrection in our souls.
At first we feel as though a part of us is dying right along with
our loved one. Then as time moves us and we begin to heal; a
resurrection comes upon us. It is a process of coming
back to life.
A process where the lover of our souls loves us back to life.
Once burdened and heavy, our souls, left in the wake of the death
of our loved one...come slowly...ever so slowly back to life.
As you reflect on your loss at this Easter time, remember that as
you open and enter into your healing, resurrection will come to
you. You do not need to work for it...
just open to
it.
For the one who died and rose for you, promises to walk with you
through this valley of death and bring your grieving heart back
to life.
The best part of this kind of resurrection is that it comes from
the one who is more than able to hold a great deal of pain. This
one can bring a resurrection into your void that is beyond your
wildest dreams. This healer wants nothing more than to see you
filled with joy again.
Special Blessings on you, as your soul grieves and sorrows during
this Easter time.
Special Blessings on you, as your grieving soul is
resurrected and made whole once again.
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A WINTERS WALK...
I went for a walk one winter day shortly after our little one
left us. We went with friends. We walked as a family. I did
not want to go. I barely wanted to live. But we went...
We dressed one less little person and we went very
reluctantly. We put one step in front of the other as
we heard the crunch of the snow beneath our feet. We
trudged along... heavy steps while our son bounded
around in the snow. He was loving it.
In spite of our pain we too found ourselves enjoying the sparkle
of the snow in the bright sunlight. We found ourselves enjoying
our son's light heart. The beginnings of joy and sorrow mixed.
So we learned a large lesson.
Grieving is about putting one foot in front of the other even
when no feet feel like moving. It is about choosing to step into
the new space without our loved one. It is about daring to enter
life in the glaring missing of our precious. Step by
step by step...we found new life.
When you cannot do the day...just step into the present moment
one step at a time. Soon you will step your way into the
light.
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PAINFUL MISSING IS TRANSFORMED...
It was winter. I woke each day to the empty cold winter days
with snow. My special one lay under that cold and hard ground
and my soul lays there too in so many ways. How does one do
this?
I kept thinking. How does one wake each and every day...without
that special someone greeting them with a kiss or a "hi mom or
dad" or a smile or a cuddle? How does one do
this? I remember thinking this as I began each day. I
never did get an answer. But I did do it.
The longing transformed into something less
painful. Each day eventually got easier. One day I found myself
no longer finding that to be my first thought. This was my clue.
I was healing. I was going to make it through
this horrible space back into the light.
We do make our way back into the land of the living. Sometimes
our way is over a very painful winter experience. We are created
to heal and we eventually find our way back if we allow it. This
comforts me.
When you are most discouraged; take heart and gather hope from
the one who knows. You will heal if you enter your grieving and
allow it to be.
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THE WINTER GRAVE...
During the winter the grave gets blown over and sometimes even
covered in snow. This threatens to erase my loved one, so I go
there and lovingly wipe the snow away. I will not let anyone
forget.
But sometimes I just don’t get there and the grave does get
covered. It is in these times that I am reminded that there is
one who never erases my loved one. This is the one with whom
they live.
This is the one who sees them every day and loves them and knows
them. I am reminded that their spirit and soul and memory can
never be wiped out. For they live on even when
I cannot see them...
One thing that can never be taken from you is the love you share
with the person who has gone to the next place. This is yours
always.
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DEATH DISQUALIFIES LIFE as I had always known it...
Sometimes death seems to leave me paralysed. I am disillusioned
due to the finality and the incredible tearing in the soul. It
makes no sense to the way I am used to seeing life. All the
things I rely on to reference life...seem to be disqualified.
Meaning, purpose, sense of belonging and the significance I put
to my life, are all messed up.
So I need to find ways to reconnect with this
world and how I see things. Sometimes it takes me some time, but
eventually I find a way. I find a way, not to make sense of this
"death" thing, but some way to reconnect to my life in a
different way.
I find a way without the person I so desperately miss. I find a
way to live in my void and still be ok. I know there is no right
way... but I find the way that works for me.
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THE WINTER OF MY GRIEVING
Sometimes the winter feels so very long. The days feel long and
the nights chilly. This can be especially so when we are
hurting. It feels as if the "winter" in our souls will never be
over...that spring will never come to us.
Gradually almost without our knowing...it comes.
Spring arrives in our souls. We find ourselves
smiling just a bit more. We find ourselves crying a few less
tears. We find ourselves more motivated, doing a bit more. Then
we wonder how we ever survived the cold hard winter; but we
did...amazingly we did.
So if you are in the middle of the winter of your grief...just be
there...and soon spring will come...
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LIVING IN THE MOMENT
In the winter, my children lay in the snow and make snow angels.
They are so happy. It reminds me of our little angel who makes
snow angels in heaven. It reminds me just how important it is to
live in the moment.
We have this moment together as a family and I treasure
each moment...each snow angel. This helps me when they
are not being "angels". This helps me to live
fully in the now even while missing my one who is
gone.
Make a point to be present to each moment...the joyful moments
and yes...even and especially the painful moments.
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New Life and Resurrection Has Come...Is Coming...
When the snow completely covers the ground, I am reminded of all
the stuff I never picked up before it came. I find myself
relieved that the snow covers it over.
Death also comes like a blanket of snow making invisible the one
who was with us. It covers our lives like a big cloud. The sun
doesn’t seem to want to shine in our souls. Our souls seem to be
covered over by a blanket of the snow of death.
And so we grieve for a time. It is unknown as to how long we
will be under our blanket of grief. But we can know that we are
not there alone. And at the right time, the healer of our souls
will bring out the sun to dry up the clouds.
New life will come from this dark place. This
we can know for sure...that out of our place of grief, pain and
death that resurrection for our souls is on it’s way. We will be
renewed. Rest in this knowledge.
When you feel discouraged about the painful place you find
yourself in...remind yourself that this pain
will transform and heal if you allow yourself to be with it.
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MAKING SPACE TO HEAL
Winter has it’s ways... There is a relief when the snow begins
to fall. There is a permission to just stop and rest...along
with nature. Everything is still. Making space
for us to sit by our fire...space for us to be with our thoughts
and feelings.
Making the so needed space to feel our grieving pain. Instead of
avoiding it, we enter into it. There is a relief, a stillness
and sometimes a dread. Yet it is important; to
be still and to feel. It is important to not run from our pain
and grief...for this is the place we can heal.
This week allow yourself the space to grieve in amongst your
living.
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FINDING MY BALANCE
It has been so bitterly cold outside these last weeks, here in
Alberta. The other night they say it was between 40 and 50
degrees below. It was awful. The next day, we had to get the
kids off to school and to sitters and us to work.
It was one of those days when we just wanted to curl up with a
book, a blanket and a fire. Every bone in my body just wanted to
stop and not run around or even go outside. In fact in one of my
counselling appointments, I just wore my coat and so did the
person I was with.
I thought about this. This is kind of what happens when people
are grieving. Sometimes they just feel like they are freezing
up. They often just want to curl up and protect themselves from
the harshness of the world around. I think this is a natural
response.
The body and soul do need to stop a bit and be nurtured when they
have weathered so great a storm. Then life calls us back into
things...which is also good. It is important to get out and do
things that feel normal. It is also important to find a
balance between going inside to heal and moving outside
of ourselves to heal. It is important to listen to what the soul
needs. It is important to pay attention.
This week spend some time listening to what
your body and soul needs. Ask yourself where you might be out of
balance. Take some small steps to get back
into balance. If you are spending too much time closing
in...then you may need to open a bit. But if
you are running around and not spending any time in quiet with
your grief, you may need to be in your silent
pain.
Be gentle with yourself. Be honest with yourself. Nurture
yourself. Move yourself. Find your Balance.
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Listen to What your Soul needs...It will tell you...
On Monday, January the 17th, is our daughter’s birthday. Jayde
would have been three. It is hard to believe that she has been
gone that long. I find myself getting a bit quieter during this
time in my soul. I like to stop and reflect...to stop and think
about her. I like to do something to be with her even if she is
not physically present with me.
Sometimes I don’t even know how to be on that day or what I need.
So I wait. I listen. To see what seems to be important for my
soul.
Two years ago, Dale seemed to be quite agitated on that day. It
was a Saturday. He was diligently off to the office to catch up
on some things... But, his soul just couldn’t shake the strange
feelings he had and his body was playing right along with it.
He just kept dragging his feet. In fact, quite out of character
he showed up at my office between appointments just to say Hi.
We went to a nearby coffee place and talked. When he actually
stopped to listen to himself, he knew that what he needed was to
send time with Jayde’s memory and with her spirit. So he spent
the day securing the flowers at her grave, which previously had
kept falling over. By the end of the day his soul felt so much
better.
Each year seems to be this way. We seem to need to be with this
day, differently...even differently from each other.
This is ok. The only thing that is important is that we
pay attention to what our soul needs at that time.
I don’t think that this is exclusive to birthdays and special
occasions. To grieve well, one must be listening to the soul.
Each day is different. Each day has a different need in the
grieving process.
Pay close attention to your soul. Pay close attention
to what it needs to be with and to heal from, in your
grief journey this week. It will lead you to
wholeness.
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BACK INTO THE SWING OF THINGS
Well here we are back into the swing of life without a swing in
your heart and step. People are back to work. The excitement of
the holidays is only evident in the few lights that are still up.
Some are still celebrating...but most are back into regular
everyday life.
Do you sometimes just feel out of touch with all of this
movement? Does your heart feel like it is standing still as you
feel the pain of your losses? It can almost feel like the world
is spinning by you and you are on a whole different ride. Here
is the thing. You are. You are on a different
ride. You are in a different place if you are hurting or
grieving.
You may not be able to just get into things without some effort.
Maybe you shouldn't. Maybe you need to give yourself the grace
to just go the pace you need to go at. It is so important to
honour your grieving place this year. Slowly allow yourself to
step back into the dance of life, taking all the time you need to
grieve your loss.
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Happy New Year???
It is pretty hard to think about having a "happy year" when one
has lost someone they love so deeply. We just don’t want to start
the year without having them with us. Just as "Merry Christmas"
felt so incongruent with life as it seems to be unfolding...so
does having a "Happy New Year".
So how do we approach the New Year with grieving pain in our
souls? The only thing that seems to be appropriate is to just
"be" in our sadness and try not to force ourselves to feel
anything we really don’t feel.
In fact I think that opening a new year in honesty is the best
way to start a new year. Be with where you are at. Stay open in
your grieving for the healing that is yours. Perhaps this New
Year needs to begin in expectation of the void and also in
expectation that healing will come to that void.
Dare to believe that this year there will be gifts of peace for
your soul. Blessings, as you begin this year more empty in your
soul than usual. Be gentle with yourself this year. Be honest
and authentic about where you are really at and allow yourself to
just BE there.
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MAYBE WE JUST DIDN’T NOTICE?
We sometimes think that comfort will never come our way into our
grief. We feel so alone. Yet at times it is there...for me. I
just haven’t opened my eyes wide enough to notice. I am being
held; the whole time by the healer of my soul. I have just been
so hurting that I didn’t notice it.
Sometimes it is weeks, even months later that we begin to notice
just how much we have been taken care of. As the new year
approaches, we look forward and we look back. It is then that we
can see the times that we have been carried.
And so you enter this new year...know that you will be
carried...even when you don’t notice it. Even when you feel the
most alone, you are not alone after all.
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MAYBE WE JUST DIDN’T NOTICE?
We sometimes think that comfort will never come our way into our
grief. We feel so alone. Yet at times it is there...for me. I
just haven’t opened my eyes wide enough to notice. I am being
held; the whole time by the healer of my soul. I have just been
so hurting that I didn’t notice it.
Sometimes it is weeks, even months later that we begin to notice
just how much we have been taken care of. As the new year
approaches, we look forward and we look back. It is then that we
can see the times that we have been carried.
And so you enter this new year...know that you will be
carried...even when you don’t notice it. Even when you feel the
most alone, you are not alone after all.
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STABLE GRACE
There is something about the stable. The grace in it all. The
permission to be honest. To cut through all the trimmings and
get down to the heart of the matter. This stable grace, I call
it, gives me permission to be honest with my soul; to be honest
with my grief. This stable grace, allows me to cry when I need
to and even to laugh when it feels right.
It allows me to close and breathe in deeply of my pain. It
allows me to exhale my sorrow, releasing it into the world. This
Christ child came to be real and honest. This Christ child came
to show me that he comes into my normal, painful world to be
present with me. For my grief that is a true gift...there is no
better Christmas gift to me; the presence of one who loves me
more than any other.
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